Only the Good Die Young

I Hate That I Can't Hate Noah

2009-05-01T14:31:00.006-05:00

The current Bulls-Celtics first round playoff series has been equal parts fantastic and frustrating. I’ve only watched the second half of one game (the Bulls thrilling double-overtime win at Boston in Game 4), and listened to various quarters and overtimes of the other games, but through that limited experience, I’ve been able to glean one very important conclusion. One that almost makes me punch a wall. And its that I don’t hate Joakim Noah anymore. Well, not as a player.

As a diehard Buckeye, and a younger one at that, I can only remember a few pleasant memories of the Scarlet and Gray on the hardwood. One was Jimmy Jackson, lighting it up in the early 90s. Another was that magical, out-of-nowhere Final Four appearance in ’99, with Michael Redd splashing threes, Scoonie Penn dishing dimes, and Ken Johnson swatting shots. And then, of course, the special 2007 season, where the Bucks made it all the way to the NCAA Championship game. That year, Conley, Oden, and the gang lost to only two teams—a stacked North Carolina team, and to the defending champ Florida Gators, twice.

During that season, Florida became our archenemies. They were a team that had everything (swagger, a title, talent) and nothing (cockiness, faces you want to smack) that we wanted, and it didn’t hurt that they demolished our undefeated football team in the BCS title game that year. The poster boy of that team was Noah.

At the time, I regarded Noah as easily the most overhyped, ove player I had ever seen. He was a glorified energy player. A “future number one pick” who could only manage 13 points per game, in college, as a 7-footer. A stick figure with perm. A tall A.J.-Moye-like chest-beater. I absolutely hated this kid. Every time I saw him, I would grit my teeth.

When he finally declared for that draft, and my beloved Bulls got the ninth pick in the lottery, I had the uncanny feeling that Noah would end up in Chicago. I scoured all the mock drafts I could get a hold of, and they all confirmed my fears. Each one of them had the Bulls picking him.

I usually didn’t take the time to watch the NBA draft, but I knew I had to watch this one, if only ease my fears if the Bulls didn’t choose Noah. For each one of the first eight picks, I prayed that they would buy into the Noah hype and take him off the board. I absolutely did not want to have to root for this guy. Sure enough, Chicago picked Noah, and his goofy self, wearing a seersucker suit and bowtie, sported a Bulls hat while shaking David Stern’s hand that day. I almost vomited.

His first season as a Bull was a joke. Within the first month Noah got in a verbal battle with his coaches and the veterans on his team chose to suspend him. He was constantly pushed around and racked up unimpressive box scores, on the court. In the offseason he was arrested for drinking Hennessy in public, and his love for grass (not Kentucky Blue) became widely known.

This season he showed up out of shape and spent the first three months huffing and puffing down the court, grabbing his shorts during free throws, and just generally ticking off every Bulls fan, including me. It seemed that it was impossible for me to hate him more. I was right.

A funny thing happened around the middle of the season. He started to understand the game. He rebounded. Blocked some shots. Set great screens for Rose. He even dunked over some people. I started to love that swagger and sneer he had in college, the one I previously couldn’t stand. I even caught myself saying, “Yeah, Noah” a few times.

And then this series started and Noah came into his own. He’s beginning to do everything he was known for at Florida, and now I’m starting to see why he was so important to those back-to-back title-winning teams. In front of our eyes he’s turning from a skinny Wennington into a skinny Rodman.

That steal-dunk combo over Paul Pierce last night sealed it for me.

I’ve started to love that he is on my team, and not wishing he was on the other. Which is equal parts magnificent and maddening: it’s always fun to have a rival.

I guess I’ll just have to project my sports hatred on another guy with a bad haircut.

Zacharias Reviews Chopra's Jesus Book

2009-04-29T13:42:00.006-05:00

I don't claim to be a philosopher, but I like to dabble on random Wiki pages and love listening to people way smarter than me discuss it.

I thought this interview with Ravi Zacharias (one of the premier Christian minds), in which he reviews/refutes Deepak Chopra's book, The Third Jesus: The Christ We Cannot Ignore, was very interesting and thought I would post it here.

I saw this book and his Jesus: A Story of Enlightenment at Barnes & Noble around Easter on a table of other books about Jesus (albeit by Christians) and it broke my heart. I wanted to pick up all the copies and put them on another table. I hadn't read it but I knew, based on the author, that it was clearly out of place and that someone who didn't know the real Jesus, but had heard of Chopra from Oprah or Mike Myers (two famous Chopra fans), would pick it up and be mislead. Here's to hoping that didn't happen.

Why Mack Brown Owes Elite Status to Young and McCoy

2009-01-13T11:33:00.016-06:00

In my last post, I stated that Texas Head Coach, Mack Brown owed much of the success in his career in Austin to his success as a recruiter, and that without two star QBs, Texas wouldn’t be a top-tier program. An anonymous football fan (from Texas, I assume) posted a comment disagreeing with my statement. Below is his comment:

"Mack Brown was winning football games long before Vince Young and Colt McCoy came along. Take a look at the number of players he has sent to the NFL in his 20+ years as a head coach and then try to tell me that his entire career is about 2 guys.

As for Texas being a premiere program only because of said 2 guys, you are obviously a newbie to college football. Texas is #2 on the list of all-time winningest programs in the history of college football, and Mack Brown has averaged 10 wins a year for his entire 11-year tenure at Texas, including 5 years of 11 wins or more. He's won more games than any other coach in the country over that time-period.

So please, do some research, look at the facts objectively, and don't rely on Colin 'I never watch college football' Cowherd to form your opinions on one of the best coaches in the game."

In his comment, “Anonymous” refutes my claims with declarations of Brown’s success over the past 10 seasons. I want to clarify that I never said that Brown wasn’t a successful coach. I never even claimed that Texas wasn’t one of the best programs in the country. My argument was that Texas and Brown owe a lot of their current elite status to two players. I'm saying that without those two players, Texas would still be a great program, but probably not an elite one. And my beef is with the Mack Brown era Longhorns, not with the history of Texas football. Anonymous stated that I could not make these claims without doing some research. So I did.

First, let’s look at some basic numbers. Mack Brown joined Texas as Head Coach in 1998. In years without Vince Young or Colt McCoy as his QB, the years 1998-2002, Brown is 49-15, a very respectable 76% winning percentage. In years where VY and Colt were under center, 2003-2008, Texas is 66-11, a very impressive 86%. That’s quite a difference in college football. It’s the difference between an Oregon and a USC. Between a Wisconsin and an Ohio State. Between an Auburn and a Florida. Between a very good program, and a top-tier, five-star one.

A few more numbers to peruse:
With Young and McCoy: 1-0 in Big 12 Championship Games, 1 National Title, 3-0 in BCS Bowls, 6 10+ win seasons, 5-1 in overall bowls, 2-3 verses Oklahoma.
Without Young and McCoy: 0-2 in Big 12 Championship Games, 0 BCS Bowls, 0 National Titles, 2 10+ win seasons, 3-2 in overall bowls, 3-3 verses Oklahoma.

About those bowls:
These are the bowl games in which Texas has appeared without Young and McCoy: Cotton, Cotton, Holiday, Holiday, Cotton. With Young and McCoy: Holiday, Rose, Rose, Alamo, Holiday, Fiesta. Notice that the only three BCS Bowl games come during seasons in which Young and McCoy were at their best. Young was Honorable Mention All-Big 12 his Junior season, and Heisman trophy runner-up his Senior season when he led (practically single-handedly, as evidenced by his 467 yards of total offense and 3 rushing TDs) the Longhorns past USC for their sole National Title in the Mack Brown Era. Colt McCoy was Heisman runner-up this season when Texas beat Ohio State (literally by one yard) in the Fiesta Bowl. And in those three years were the only times Brown had one or no losses.

In comparison to other “Top-Tier” programs during the Mack Brown Era:
National Titles: Florida-2, LSU-2, USC-2, Miami-1, Florida State-1, Tennessee, Ohio State-1, Oklahoma-1, Texas-1 (with Vince Young),
BCS Bowl Appearances:
Ohio State: 7; USC: 7; Oklahoma: 7; Florida: 5; Florida State: 5; Virginia Tech: 5; LSU: 4; Texas: 3 (Vince Young, twice and McCoy, once).

Conference Championships:
Texas has appeared in 3 conference championship games, Oklahoma has been in 7. Kansas State has as many Big 12 titles, one, as Texas does.
LSU, Florida, and Georgia all have more conference championships, in a tougher conference. So does Wisconsin and Iowa, in a conference ted by two teams over much of the last 10 years.

Brown is also considered a very successful recruiter, as commented on by Anonymous by the number of Texas grads in the NFL. It’s true. He has had one Heisman Trophy winner under his tutelage. But that was Ricky Williams, and Brown didn’t recruit him. Vince Young and McCoy were both runners-up, but that only helps to prove my point. How about recruiting class rankings? According to Rivals and Scout.com, the average ranking for Texas’s classes in the two years that he signed McCoy and Young was 2.5. In the other years his average class ranking was 10.5. The only time he had a #1 recruiting class? 2002, when he signed the blue chip Young.

You see my point? Mack Brown is successful coach without Vince and Colt. He's also a pretty good recruiter with a lot of Texas grads in the NFL (although not many of them have been superstars or even Pro-Bowlers). He’s had a very solid program, not unlike Oregon or Wisconsin. But he’s only gained exemplary success during 3 seasons—the best seasons of his star QBs. And that’s a shame considering Texas size, facilities, and history as one of the most successful programs in the history of college football. It’s almost unbelievable to me that Texas would let themselves settle for Holiday and Cotton bowls and for second place in their division in most years, let alone in their conference. It goes to show just how much a “master of illusion” Mack Brown is.

One could say that a football team’s identity is typified in their QB. So it’s not a bad thing that Texas has produced two very good ones. And yet I can’t help thinking of a Texas QB that played in Austin before Vince and Colt—Chris Simms. Simms was overhyped because of his name, one that brought with it a history of success. He was big, had good stats, looked really good on paper and on the cover of magazines, but never really won anything meaningful. Yeah, sounds a lot like Texas to me.

I hope that’s enough research for you, Anonymous.

10 Things We Learned from the Fiesta Bowl

2009-01-08T12:26:00.005-06:00

1. Mack Brown owes his career to two QBs
As Colin Cowherd stated on his radio show Tuesday, “Mack Brown is the master of illusion.” And indeed he is. Here’s a guy who made a lot of people, including yours truly, believe that Texas was the best team in the country. But now we know that he owes his success as a coach to his success as a recruiter. If it weren’t for Vince Young and Colt McCoy, Texas wouldn’t be a top tier program. (By the way, I caught the 2005 Rose Bowl, and the drive that VY orchestrated to win the BCS Title for the ‘Horns looked eerily similar to the drive made by McCoy on Tuesday night, including a big fourth down conversion.)

2. Terrell pryor is the real deal.
I’m convinced that Ohio State has a legitimate chance to win a BCS Title in the next three years based solely on the assumption that TP will grow in his passing development. Catching the ’05 Rose Bowl the other night confirmed that belief. If Texas can win one on the back of a big, mobile QB, why can't we. He was probably the best athlete on the field Tuesday night.

3. The Big 12 is the second or third best conference by a mile
The SEC continues to show why it is clearly the best conference in the country…and it’s not even close. I might even put the Pac-10 over the Big 12 because of how Missouri fared against Northwestern, how Oregon ran all over Oklahoma State, and how Ole Miss embarrassed that “high octane” Texas Tech. And did you see LSU demolish Georgia Tech or Georgia sleep through the first half and still plaster Michigan State? SEC is big boy football.

4. The Big Ten is a middle-of-the road conference.
It’s not even an argument anymore. 1-6 in bowl games. Enough said. Lump them in with the Big East, ACC, and Mountain West.

5. Ohio State will not win the Big Ten next year, and Texas will get to the BCS Championship Game*
OSU has a lot of seniors on their defense, which will mean a down year on that side of the ball, which was their overwhelming strength this year. Pryor won’t be able to carry the offense passed Penn State without Beanie and Robiskie, so I’ll pick them second in the conference. Texas will have McCoy back, and that seemed to be enough this year to get them one play away from a Title Game berth.
*If they can beat Oklahoma

6. The Buckeyes don’t need beanie to be successful on offense.
Beanie sat out the last few series for the Bucks, and it didn’t seem like they missed him that much. With number 28 in the backfield, OSU is too predictable. He isn’t quick and illusive enough to run the option with, and he doesn’t catch the ball out of the backfield well enough for quick screens. Boom Herron seemed a better fit with Pryor. But that begs the question, whatever happened to that phenom, Brandon Saine?

7. Beanie Wells will declare early for the draft.
The above realization is the final reason for Beanie to bolt Columbus. He has nothing left to prove, except maybe that he can stay healthy. But I think, instead of risking another injury-prone season in college, he’ll adopt to embark on a similar, yet more lucrative, career in the NFL.

8. Todd Boeckman will get a flier from someone in the NFL.
He is slow and mistake prone, but this kid has a giant arm. Someone will draft him to be a Bledsoe-like backup.

9. Colt McCoy is the MVP of college football, but not its best player.
This distinction clearly goes to Tim Tebow, as hard as it is for me to say (see: 2006 BCS Title Game). He should have won his second Heisman.

10. The Buckeyes can rush the QB and their O-line isn’t that bad
OSU won the battle up front pretty handily against those big boys from Austin. Both lines are still mediocre, which says a lot of Texas’s.

"Creed," by Steve Turner

2009-01-02T10:38:00.007-06:00

This poem from English journalist, Steve Turner, was recently brought to my attention by Ravi Zacharias in his podcast, "Just Thinking" (which has become a daily necessity for me). I thought it was pretty interesting and telling of ridiculousness of the thought process that is the now.

Creed

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin.
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in s ex before during
and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that a dultery is fun.
We believe that sod omy 's OK
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

We believe that after comes The Nothing
because when you ask the what happens
they say Nothing.
If is not the end, if the have lied,
then it's compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps Hit ler , Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between
warfare and shed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behaviour that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth
that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust. History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds.

Steve Turner

Taken from the book, Can Man Live Without God?, by Ravi Zacharias, pages 42-44.

The Grail Legend: How Indiana Jones Missed It By That Much

2008-12-19T12:08:00.006-06:00

Recently, my lovely future wife and I were watching the classic movie, Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade, when we were both rather surprised at the amount of bad theology that seeped out through its plot. I realize that the movie is just that, a movie, and not exactly supposed to represent Truth in any way, but it still troubled me.

Just as with the obsession over The DaVinci Code, The Shack, and other drivel, many people latch on to "Popcorn Theology" because of their desperate search for spiritual clarity, truth, meaning, and individual empowerment, but at the same time, something interesting or controversial. Not surprising, however, is the fact that George Lucas, a man who made billions by inventing a religion that captivated many ("The Force" in Star Wars), and Stephen Spielberg, whose movies continuously project a desperate search for transcendent meaning (often relying on aliens as his supernatural source of that meaning), helped to write this and all the other Indy movies.

In fact, Spielberg said this about the The Last Crusade, "the Grail is symbolic of finding the truth in one's life--the truth we are always looking for, consciously or unconsciously...Once I could look upon the Grail twofold as a physical antiquity from religious history and as a symbolic metaphor for self-illumination, then it became interesting to me." It is no wonder that this sort of New Age-y, self-empowerment attitude has seeped its way into the film, reeking havoc on theological orthodoxy along the way.

Even though the writers of the movie got a lot of things wrong about Jesus, they nearly made up for it at the end. If you squint, and make a few edits, you could make it a not-too-bad salvation message out of it.

Below are two of the most ludicrous gaffs made by characters in the movie, and the ending that almost saved them:

"Eternal Life" and "Living Water"
In the film, several characters confuse the scriptural mention of "eternal life" and "living water" as something physical. They even quote John 4:14, "but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life,” and make this the basis for their grail mythology (see below). Taking this verse literally as a physical eternal life misses the entire point of the New Testament, specifically the Gospel of Jesus.

Grail Mythology
Like The DaVinci Code basically created detailed "history" out of thin air, so does Jones with the story of the Holy Grail. The movie makes the claim that the Grail is the cup that Christ drank from at the Last Supper and also caught his b lood as he was crucified. After Christ died, the cup was trusted to Joseph of Arimathea, was lost for one thousand years, then was uncovered by knights during the Crusades. After they found this Grail, which apparently has the ability to give immortality to those who drink from it, one knight stood guard over the cup for over 700 years while the others traveled to France and Italy for whatever reason, leaving behind clues to the Grail's resting place for those worthy and clever enough to figure them out.

The Grail legend is an interesting topic, one which I would love to delve further in. In my limited knowledge of Grail folklore history, it has had many roles in but in most versions of the legend "the hero must prove himself worthy to be in its presence" (thus the three tests that Jones must pass), and in later legend tellings, "the Grail is a symbol of God's grace, available to all but only fully realized by those who prepare themselves spiritually." Had the movie gone with this concept, as it skates ever so closely to doing, the result would have been less unsatisfying.

(Side note: What I found the most funny about this movie was the idea that one medieval knight had the ingenuity, tools, and manpower to create the three "tests" that one had to pass through to get the Grail...but that's neither here nor there.)

Close but no cigar...
At the end of the film, after Jones has successfully passed three tests, he meets our brilliant engineer/knight who explains the idea that, just as the real Grail gives you physical eternal life, so does the false Grail bring you physical demise. Here is where I have to give them some credit--they almost got it right. If you look at it in a metaphorical, spiritual sense, it is somewhat profound. Just as choosing Christ will bring you spiritual eternal life, so too will not choosing Christ, or choosing a false "Grail," will leave you spiritually deceased.

Furthermore, the film makes another weighty statement. The bad guy in the film bases his Grail choice on appearance. He chooses a big, shiny, golden, jewel-speckled cup to bring him eternal life. Of course, this is an unwise choice. Immediately after drinking from this Grail, he shrivels up and turns to dust. Indiana Jones, however, chooses a more humble Grail made of clay and chipped from use. This turns out to be the real cup of Christ. It is not difficult to glean from this idea the theological implications. Many times people rest their salvation on big, shiny things, instead of the on the true Christ. It is only through his humble love that we can achieve eternal life.

Had the writers really believed this, of course, I doubt they would have made such grave mistakes as they did.

NBA Archetypes

2008-12-17T12:42:00.004-06:00

For an NBA-junkie like myself, this is one of the most awesome things I've seen in a long time. The folks at the NBA blog, "Upside and Motor" have created a chart that categorizes all NBA players. Click here for a detailed explanation.

Five Reasons LeBron Should Bolt for New York

2008-11-25T13:02:00.010-06:00

Even though I was born and raised in Ohio, I've never been a huge Cavs fan. Even before I moved to Chicago, I've been a Bulls diehard. I grew up tuning in to WGN to see Michael, Scottie, and the gang, and fell in love with that franchise. And in later years, I earned my Bulls fanhood by rooting for them after those great teams were split up (even during those ugly Tim Floyd seasons). So it hurts me a little to root for LeBron James, a hometown superstar, to sign with another team, and abandon the only good pro team we have in Ohio. Let alone for the Knicks, one of the Bulls' biggest rivals in the early and mid 90s. But what's best for LeBron is that he take the money and run...to New York in 2010...to play for the Knicks. Here are five reasons why:

1. Money ("Straight Cash Homey"):
Forget about the max contract. That's peanuts. LeBron has made it no secret that he wants to be the first billionaire athlete. If anyone has the talent, charisma, and business savvy, it's King James. New York is the unofficial capital of the world and will boost LBJ's visibility for endorsements, his own clothing line (ala MJ), music label, or whatever else he wanted to launch. Can't you see a billboard the size of the Statue of Liberty in Times Square that reads "We are Witnesses"? Better yet, maybe they just replace the old iron lady with a Statue of LeBron...with a swoosh logo prominently displayed, of course. I'm of the opinion that if LeBron is to be bigger than Tiger and MJ, he has to take the next step, and New York will give him that pedestal. Plus, Nike kicks in a bonus to all its endorsers who play in major markets (NY, LA, Chicago).

2. Championships:
In 2010, the Knicks will have only a few players under contract (unless they chose to extend David Lee and Nate Robinson) and will be likely be the team with the most cap flexibility. That should allow them to sign James and another big name from an outlandishly deep free agent class, like Chris Bosh, Amare Stoudamire, or Dwayne Wade. And since they have Mike D'Antoni on the sidelines running his trademark "seven seconds or less" offense, they might be able to nab two-time MVP Steve Nash at a veterans minimum contract. A lineup with a 26-year-old James, a young Chris Bosh, a Stockton-like Nash running the offense that made him an MVP (who would likely still be in excellent shape at 36), and a handful of shooters and role players would make the Knicks instant title/dynasty contenders.

3. The League/The Franchise:
With LeBron in the Big Apple, Kobe and the Lakers forming a new dynasty in L.A., and if Chicago is able to nab hometown hero, Dwayne Wade, three of the leagues storied franchises in the three biggest U.S. markets will be back at the top. Not that the league is hurting right now--the NBA, with an influx of young, likable superstars in the last few years, is thriving. But revitalizing a New York market so hungry for a winning team would cause a spark that could help the NBA to gain some ground on the NFL (which is absolutely owning the American sports-watching male right now). And speaking of the New York market, even though New Yorkers have the reputation as jerks with no manners, and even though they were spoiled in the with the success of the Yankees, and even though they won a Super Bowl last year and are on track to repeat with the Giants, the city has always been a basketball town. And no city, not even New York, deserves to have a beloved franchise like the Knicks run into the ground by an incompetent idiot like Isaiah Thomas. The Thomas era was painful to watch as an outsider (even though it provided a lot of humor), but I can't imagine what it was like as a Knicks fan. It's amazing that Spike Lee didn't kill himself. It's even more amazing that he still attended games.

4. The City:
Every King needs his throne. What greater throne than Madison Square Garden, the world's capital of basketball, the world's most famous arena? And what better city than the "Greatest City on Earth" to display the "Greatest Show on Earth"? Only New York could make above average talent like Derek Jeter, Eli Manning, and Joe Namath into monster superstars. Just imagine what it'll do when it gets ahold of someone of LBJ's eliteness.

5. Destiny:
A small math equation that explains this better: Peanut Butter + Jelly = The Chosen One + New York. Simply put, he will be bigger than Kobe. Bigger than Tiger. Bigger than Jordan.

Look for 23 in orange and blue in 2010.

A Three-Year-Old Teaching Preschool?

2008-11-20T14:25:00.003-06:00

Below is an actual submission for the bulletin at Harvest Bible Chapel. I see a lot of grammatical errors, misspelled words, and awkward sentence structures, doing my job (editing for pastors), but this one is too good.

Employment Opportunity at Rolling Meadows Campus
Three-year-old preschool teacher needed to serve on Rolling Meadows campus for the spring 2009 semester. Class is held on Monday and Tuesday mornings from 9:00–11:30 A.M. Interested candidates need to visit the school website for more details

What's in a Meme? Mine: the WWF and Soy Lattes

2008-11-13T12:29:00.004-06:00

Mike Cline, childhood friend, college roommate, and part-time adviser in all things theology and wedding planning, has tagged me for a meme.

I usually avoid these kinds of things, but I’m bored at work and don’t really have anything more important to do. So, even though I don’t know anyone else with an active blog besides Mike and Kyle Scott (who Mike has already tagged), I’ll give it a go for sheer self-entertainment.

Rules To The Meme:
1. Link to the person who tagged you (check, see above).

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. Write six random things about yourself (see below).

4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them (this isn’t going to happen).

5. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog (see above).

6. Let the tagger know when your entry has been posted.

Random Things:
1. Since starting at Starbucks I’ve been required to sample many of their signature drinks. And, as is my M.O. (I went through a several-month stint when I drank Coke with Lime obsessively), I have become addicted to one drink in particular: a Venti, 4-pump, Iced Soy Chai Latte with 2 pumps Raspberry, 1 pump Vanilla, stirred, and light ice. Try it out sometime.

2. I finally realized I was old and uncool when I went into my local Urban Outfitters and couldn’t find an article of clothing I could either pull off or want to. I’ve turned into a Gap and J. Crew guy, and I go to bed a 10:30, so my days of being young and cool have ended at 24.

3. Another recent obsession: old clips on YouTube. I know it’s a cliche for my generation--looking up funny clips of weathermen cursing on live TV and similar distractions-- but my visits to the site are a little different. I spend hours looking up Bob Dylan interviews from the ‘60s, Martin and Lewis comedy acts, and Don Rickles roast performances from the ‘70s. I can’t get enough of that old stuff.

4. My freshman year of college, I was in the car with Mike Cline when he received his first speeding ticket. I had told him before that I had never seen a cop on the road we were traveling, and that I frequently drove 80-90 MPH. Later, I was awoken from my nap by a siren and flashing lights.

5. List of movies I saw in theaters this year, that I thought was worth the nine bucks: Michael Clayton, There Will Be , Juno, Get Smart (saw it twice), Iron Man, and Dark Knight. That’s it! I saw others, but they were mostly oversexualized, hyperviolent drivel. It kind of makes me sad that I can only go to the movies and enjoy it only a handful of times a year, now. Hollywood continues to pump out garbage, and America keeps consuming it. I want to vomit when I think that the hottest thing going now is that Judd Apatow, Seth Rogan, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Superbad crew.

6. When I was younger I used to enjoy painting my little Lego men up to look like stars of the WWF and WCW (that’s professional wrestling to those not in-the-know). I would schedule Pay-Per-View events that pitted the wrestlers from one organization against the other, and then would act them out in a ring I made out of a shoe box. Years later, after I had grown out of the pro-wrestling phase (unfortunately, some Americans never do), the WWF bought out the WCW and held some events with the same matchups I used to create. But my outcomes were far superior.

Unfortunately, I have no one to tag. So I guess the buck stops here. It was fun while it lasted.

Starbucks and the Church

2008-10-30T12:57:00.007-05:00

A few weeks ago I attended a training session at the Starbucks regional corporate office in downtown Chicago. During the 4-hour session, I was made to discuss customer service, employee benefits, and taste a lot of coffee. But it was during the many video clips that I was we watched that I realized that Starbucks' success might not just be attributed to business savvy and marketing genius. It might be attributed to their mission statement (I cringe when uttering that phrase) and their commitment to their employees and customers with something they call "Corporate Social Responsibility." While watching Howard Shultz, Starbucks CEO, explain this practice, I began to think that it might be something that the Church could benefit from striving toward.

Below I have listed a few of the principles from the Starbucks Mission and have substituted a few words to make it applicable to ministry. Those words are in red.

Our Congregation and Fellow Human Beings
When we are fully engaged, we connect with, laugh with, and uplift the lives of our fellow Men... Sure, it starts with the promise of new life, but our work goes far beyond that. It’s really about human connection.

Our Neighborhood
Every church is part of a community, and we take our responsibility to be good neighbors seriously. We want to be invited in wherever we do ministry. We can be a force for positive action for Christ—bringing together our ministers, congregation, and the community to contribute every day. Now we see that our responsibility—and our potential for good by spreading the Gospel and living by Christ's blueprint—is even larger. The world is looking to the Church to set the new standard, yet again. We will lead.

Our Church Buildings and Homes
When our congregation feels this sense of belonging, our churches and homes become a haven, a break from the worries outside, a place where you can meet with friends. It’s about enjoyment of the love of Christ...Always full of humility.

Our Christian Partners
We’re called Christians, because Christ not just a person or idea, He's our passion. Together, we embrace diversity to create a place where each of us can be equal in Christ. We always treat each other with love, respect, and dignity. And we hold each other to that standard.

I just think it's funny how one of the most successful businesses in the history of the world has a mission that holds up very honorable, biblical values. And why couldn't we copy these values in order to, "inspire and nurture the human spirit—one person, one verse, and one neighborhood at a time."

Is it OK to Root AGAINST the Bucks?

2008-10-22T12:43:00.006-05:00

I am a diehard Buckeye fan. So this weekend's game against Penn State should have me pulling out all the stops, right? Red OSU T-shirt. Blow-up gray helmet complete with Buckeye stickers. Terrelle Pryor bobblehead doll in one hand. Classic pennant in the other. Texting "O-H" to fellow transplanted Buckeyes across the nation. Right? Then why am I starting to believe I should root for Penn State this weekend?

For fellow Buckeyes looking at the short-term, I must seem completely insane and heretical. How can someone who claims to bleed Scarlet and Gray, who sports a OSU flag in his work office and a giant Ohio State magnet on his fridge, and who wishes he could add a home #2 replica jersey to his bridal registry, seriously cheer on the Nittany Lions on Saturday night? For the long-term sake of the Buckeyes, that's why.

Look at it this way, Ohio State isn't winning a National Championship this year. And they don't deserve to make the title game after how badly their offense has looked at times this season (16 points against Purdue?) and after getting demolished by their only quality opponent at USC (Wisconsin doesn't count anymore). They will always get the opposite of the benefit of the doubt so long as the Big Ten is a one-team league. Which leads me to believe forward-thinking Buckeyes should hope they lose this Saturday.

A Penn State win would likely set up the Lions to finish the season undefeated and have a chance at Texas, Alabama, USC, or Florida for the title. It would establish them as another good Big Ten team and debunk the myth that the league is big boy Ohio State and a bunch of D-II teams.

Let's face it, the Big Ten is in serious need of legitimacy, especially after this season. Michigan, once a national power, lost to Toledo earlier this year, after losing to App. State last year. Wisconsin and Michigan State started off looking like the real deal, but recent games have shown them to be one-dimensional pretenders. Illinois has followed up a Cinderella season with a lackluster one. Minnesota and Northwestern were doormats last year, but this year have only one loss, which shows just how bad the "good" Big Ten teams are. And, week-after-week, Iowa, Indiana, and Purdue continue to show us what bad football looks like.

If Ohio State is to get back to the title game in years to come (and they should have a good shot with Pryor's talent), after failing twice in a row against the big bad SEC, the Big Ten needs to have other quality programs besides itself. Penn State making a title appearance would be a step in the right direction.

So I guess the dilemma begins now. Root for a Buckeye win Saturday? Or root for a Big Ten win for the coming years?

More Fun From Corporate America

2008-03-04T15:52:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I attended a two-hour, mandatory meeting within my company. It was a meeting that was to define our goals for 2008, and to declare our group's new mission statement. This is necessary because our group was reorganized...again. This has happened several times since I've started 8 months ago. So much so that I've had 5 or 6 new bosses, all of which I have no idea what they do. These are quotes from the meeting, with commentary.

"A Mission Statement is an aspirational statement. It's where we want to be."
(read: I am repeating myself, rewording the same statements, and being redundant, all to sound more important. )

"It's an act of arrogance for anyone down the chain to assume the responsibilities of someone who makes more money than you."
(read: You can't call me out when I say one thing and do another because I make more money than you.)

"When the company grows, money is made, jobs are created, merit-based rewards go up, profit sharing increases."
(read: You should work hard because the company makes more money. And even though we promise a share of the money that we'll make together, we'll just outsource most of your group to Asia over the course of the next year, just like we did in 2007, a year in which our profit margin was 21.6%, and was the fourth year in a row our company grew.)

*

I also just attended a meeting today that explained the instructions to a template, that explained how to standardize the instructions for all products within our group. This meeting lasted an hour.

I have another two-hour meeting scheduled for tomorrow.

Corporatespeak

2008-02-29T15:37:00.003-06:00

Recently, my company, the wonderful corporate entity it has become, held a meeting previewing its revamped website. The new format is supposed to give us more of an edge, and give our customers more ease of use. They couldn’t just say that, though. They had to use corporatespeak, a rhetoric-laden language employed to make everything sound more important. I wrote down as many examples of this speech as I could throughout the hour and a half meeting. Afterward, I collected these phrases. Next to them, I have written what they were really saying, in layman’s terms. Enjoy.

"Next Generation"—new
"workflow-oriented"—easier to use
"search-oriented"—you can search for documents by typing in words or phrases
"value-added content"—has more stuff that customers will like
"smart charts"—graphs and charts
"intuitive, modern interface"—easier to use, new
"major functionality"—important features
"critical path items"—important features
"customer segments"—demographics, people who will use the website
"sub-projects"—projects within this project
"cross-organizational effort"—a few departments are working together on this
"Project Align"—the process of outsourcing the company’s production jobs to Malaysia
"Customer Advisory Board"—customers who will test the new website
"critical feedback"—customers tell us what they think
"non-standard migration"—the new website is not liked as much as the old one
"postive migration experience"—opposite of "non-standard migration" (customers like the new website)
"iteration 6, 7, 8"—versions 6, 7, and 8 of the website (each successive number is a more complete and ready-to-launch version)
"clean interface"—looks like Google.
"practice areas"—the kind of documents the customers want (i.e. Tax Regulations, Bank Laws, etc.)
"wow factor"—features that are impressive
"split-screen functionality"—uses tabs to do more than one search at the same time
"document tray"—folder for saving documents
"automated migration tool"—a generator that converts documents
"platform intellegence"—how well the website works
"This is not just a project, this is our future."—the slogan of this new website

Mysterious Ways (part one)

2007-12-31T09:41:00.001-06:00

Imagine reading this blog with the U2 song of with the same title as this entry in the background for ambiance.

I had got an interesting Christmas lesson, this year. Sunday, the 23rd, Christmas Eve eve, I closed the door to my apartment on the way out for a Target/coffee run with Tink, when I realized that the keys to said apartment were on the wrong side of the locked door. Of course I had a spare set of keys, which I kept on my nightstand by my bed. But they weren't doing me any good there. Wouldn't you know that right before Tink and I had left the apartment, I had picked up the keys, looked at them, a little voice inside my head saying, "You should give these to Tink. That way, if she ever needs to get into to your place, she can." Then I paused and said to myself, "Nah. I'll give them to her when we get back." As I sat on the steps leading out of my building, head in my hands, devastated, I replayed that moment over and over, trying to get my past self to put the keys into my jeans pocket. But no matter how many times I imagined it, and felt my jeans, they never appeared.

No big deal, right? Just walk to the office and have someone let me in. But the office closed at 6pm and it was after 9pm. Frantically, Tink and I jumped into her car and raced to the office. Maybe there was someone there by shear luck. We pulled up in front of the building, I hopped out and ran to the door. All the lights were off and the door was closed. The sign on the window confirmed my biggest fear--the office was closed and wouldn't open again until the day after Christmas. Some three days away. I continued to search the window in hopes for an emergency number and found one. I sped back to the car, slightly hopeful.

After back inside I dialed the number which prompted me to leave a message for any maintenance emergencies I had. I left a message and prayed afterward, desperate for a Christmas miracle. All I could do now was wait and continue to pray. After about ten minutes, the time it took for Tink and I to get from my place to hers, a lady who worked in the office called me back...from Texas...where she was celebrating Christmas with her family. She explained that the apartment complex does not provide a lock-out service. They have maintenance men on call, but they are not permitted to let anyone in to apartments. How would they know if you really lived where you said you did? But, since it was Christmas, she explained, she would call the other lady who works in the office. She just might still be in town, and might be able to let me in. She called back shortly after and told me that her attempts to reach the other woman were in vain. But she had left a message. She suggested I call a locksmith and have the locks changed, then give the office a copy of the key to the new lock when they open on Wednesday. Or just wait and hope the other lady would call me back.

The latter suggestion made me sigh inside. I had been having problems with a leaky ceiling in my living room. Gallons of nasty rain run-off had been dripping in my place, filling up buckets, for the past several weeks. I had called maintenance several times. Each time they attempted to fix the problem, it didn't make much different. The last time, a man with a thick ambiguous accent named Peter came to my place and punched "draining holes" into the ceiling. He promised to come back later, but never did. This history of response delays did not put me at ease.

At Tink's house we explained the situation to her father, hoping he would be sympathetic and let me crash there for the night. He suggested I call a locksmith, as well. So I did, reluctantly, visions of money signs and burning dollar bills dancing in my head.

I dialed a 24-hour emergency locksmith who asked me the basic questions: name, location, security level. I explained the situation and said I needed two locks picked. One to the building and another to my apartment. Unfortunately, he responded, they needed the permission from the complex owner to pick the lock to the building, which I didn't have and couldn't think of how to obtain. I was up the proverbial creek.

I ended up spending the night on the couch of Tink's brother's, which in itself wasn't so bad. The three dogs and two cats, clamoring for attention and not afraid to cuddle, whine, paw, bark, nudge, purr, meow, stomp, scratch, to get it, at 3am in house-full of people who would like a full night's sleep ended up taking me a few inches from my breaking point. Long story short, I slept 2 hours that night.

After showering at Tink's, her father suggested I call the emergency number again and leave another message. I did, this time pleading desperately, using the whole Christmas-season trump card to tug on some heart strings (so I hoped). Tink also had a suggestion: that I pray just as hard and desperately and let it go. Then we would head over the the building, catch someone coming out or going in, sneak in and call a locksmith from there. I did, and we did.

Outside of my apartment, I dialed the first of three locksmiths I had narrowed down in the phonebook. No answer. I left a message. Second locksmith gave me a quote of $125 for one lock. I declined and hung up. Before dialing the third locksmith, my phone rang. It wasn't a number I recognized, so naturally I thought it was the first locksmith returning my call.

I answered and a foreign man spoke, "Hello. I got your message. What unit are you in?"
I was confused so I gave him the name of my apartment complex.
He responded, "I know. This is maintenance man on call. What apartment?"
I was still a little confused so I told him what apartment.
"OK," he said, "I be right there in 20-30 minute."

I was still not sure what was going on. How did this locksmith know what complex I was calling from? Did he do business here often? Slowly it began to sink in. He worked for the complex. He was coming over to let me in. For free! I was relieved and overjoyed. Then that feeling was overcome with more questions. I thought he wasn't allowed to let me in. What if he didn't believe I lived here? Would he still let me in? I was now anxious. I could only wait and pray. Again.

40 minutes went by until I heard someone coming up the stairs to my apartment. My fingers were crossed as he rounded the last set of stairs and came into view. "Please let him have pity on me and let me in. Bend the rules, just this once," I prayed.

He opened the door to my floor and smiled. I knew that face. It was the face of Peter. The man who had made the holes in my leaky ceiling, and just a few days before and had never returned. His smile became wider and he exclaimed, "Hey! OK!" He recognized me, too. "You locked out? I go get key, I be right back!" he yelled, still smiling.

A flood of realizations came over me, and I felt God grinning as he watched his work come together. Had my ceiling not leaked so terribly, Peter never would have come to my apartment to fix it. Had he not come, or I had not been there that day, he would probably not have let me in. Had I listened to that voice that told me to give the extra keys to Tink, I wouldn't have been in the whole mess to start with. But maybe that's why the whole lesson had been constructed--to make me notice that little voice and to listen more closely for it. And to trust in Him more fully. As soon as I did that, at Tink's suggestion, the problem took care of itself. Or, more accurately, he took care of it. After I prayed and waited, he handled it. He moves in mysterious ways.

There's more, though. Part two coming soon.

Post Script: My once porous ceiling hasn't leaked since Peter put those holes in it, and it has rained much more since. I don't think they did anything else to fix it, either. Well, at least they didn't.

NFL Final Results

2007-12-31T09:38:00.000-06:00

NFL Final Week
Week: 10-6
Final Total: 125-85
Take that experts.

NFL Week 15 Results

2007-12-20T08:15:00.000-06:00

Last Week: 9-7
Overall: 114-79

Hovering near 70%.

NFL Week 14 results

2007-12-13T08:40:00.000-06:00

Last Week: 12-4
Overall: 105-72

That's a solid 68%. I'll take that.

BCS Thoughts / NFL Picks (How I'm Doing)

2007-12-04T19:16:00.000-06:00

Many sports fans across the country are getting bent out of shape about the whole BCS Championship picture. Most of them are angry because of one team’s inclusion in the BCS Title Game. And it isn’t LSU.

If you ask me, the people that are upset, most notable those in L.A., Athens, and Norman, don’t have much of an argument. USC lost to Stanford and their backup QB. Georgia lost to 6-6 South Carolina. Oklahoma lost to a horrible Colorado team. So Ohio State may have “not played anybody,” but at least they BEAT their nobodies.

So, I’ve concluded that Ohio State’s appearance in New Orleans is just as deserved as those other teams. Jimmy T and his Bucks simply did everything the BCS asked of them. Win all of your games and you’re in. The Buckeyes won all but one. USC, Georgia, and Oklahoma lost two games. So did LSU. And OSU won its conference. However weak the Big Ten was this year, it’s still a major conference. No other team in the nation can say what OSU can. That’s why there are where they are.

Some radio personalities and sports writers are thrilled at what they call a group of horrible matchups in, not only the Title Game, but the rest of the bowls. They see this as an opportunity to scratch the current system and replace it with a playoff, which is simply too difficult to put in effect. At the least, they say, we should institute a “plus one game” after the traditional bowls have concluded to determine the “real” champion. This talk is fine by me. It encourages the continued improvement of a clearly flawed system. But as for now, all I know is that we shouldn’t punish Ohio State for fulfilling the current system’s requirements.

In Response to Last Week’s Blog…
Well, everything went down as I predicted (except that West Virginia lost to Pittsburgh instead of UConn), so I’ll give it another shot. Over the next month or so, the following events will go down…
1. Tim Tebow, sporting jean shorts under his tux, will win the Heisman Trophy. As a result I will grit my teeth and throw something.
2. Hawaii will pass almost exclusively in the Sugar Bowl, but will lose to Georgia.
3. I will not watch the Orange Bowl, because the only thing interesting about VT vs. Kansas is how ungodly huge Mark Mangino is.
4. USC will kill Illinois in the Rose Bowl. Not even close.
5. If Pat White plays against Oklahoma and is 100%, look for West Virginia to edge out the Sooners in the Fiesta Bowl.
6. LSU will beat Ohio State by a touchdown late in the fourth quarter to win their second national title in 5 years.
7. Shortly after celebrating winning the BCS Title Game, Les Miles will announce he is leaving LSU to become the new coach of Michigan.

Now I hope I’m wrong on number 6, I just don’t know how I like our chances against a fast SEC team. But after last year’s letdown, I’m not getting my hopes up—I’d rather be surprised.

NFL PICKS: (How I’m doing)
2 Weeks Ago: 10-6
Last Week: 9-7
Overall: 93-68

I’ll no longer post my picks, but I will post how I’m doing. It’s too tedious and I honestly don’t think anyone cares.

Three Things that Must Happen / Week 12

2007-11-19T15:56:00.000-06:00

The following things must happen in order for me to be happy (read: for Ohio State to get back to the BCS Title game and have a shot at winning it).

1. Missouri or Kansas must lose when they face each other this weekend. This definitely will happen, unless they tie or the world blows up or something.
2. West Virginia must lose to Connecticut, Saturday. This actually might happen. Connecticut, believe it or not, is a top-25 team.
3. Oklahoma must get QB Sam Bradford healthy in time for the Big 12 Championship game and then must beat the winner of Missouri/Kansas.

Ohio State would then jump to number two in the BCS standings and play LSU in the National Title game. LSU is the best matchup of the remaining teams near the top (except for maybe Arizona State should LSU lose, too) because LSU runs a more traditional offense.

If LSU loses to Georgia in the SEC Championship and West Virginia wins out, OSU probably gets beat on Jan. 8. West Virginia runs a more potent spread option than Illinois, especially running with Steve Slaton and Pat White, and we all know how that turned out.

If LSU loses and Missouri wins out, we might lose that game too, because Missouri runs a…can you guess?...spread offense, right. Chase Daniel is light years better throwing the ball than Juice Williams, who killed OSU’s secondary.

And Kansas?…spread offense. But they are largely untested and should lose one of they’re final two games. They are undefeated, but sport the 117th-rated schedule. And their coach may die of a heart attack before then. Have you seen this guy? If they end up winning it all, the Jayhawks players might just end up dumping ranch dressing over him instead of Gatorade.

So be praying for a miracle…or several miracles over the next few weeks. But the way this college football season has been thus far, don’t be surprised if the Buckeyes find themselves back in it.

NFL PICKS WEEK 12

Last Week: 11-5

Overall: 74-55

Green Bay over DETROIT
Indianapolis over ATLANTA
DALLAS over NY Jets
Tennessee over CINCY
CLEVELAND over Houston
KANSAS CITY over Oakland
Seattle over ST LOUIS
NY GIANTS over Minnesota
Washington over TAMPA BAY
New Orleans over CAROLINA
JACKSONVILLE over Buffalo
ARIZONA over San Fran
Denver over CHICAGO
SAN DIEGO over Baltimore
NEW ENGLAND over Philly
PITTSBURGH over Miami

Boeckman's Importance / Week 11

2007-11-14T16:24:00.000-06:00

Now, about that debacle on Saturday in The Shoe. We lost. Our National Title hopes are out the door like Stephon Marbury. And what was the primary culprit? The spread offense. What a surprise. Welcome to the Twenty-first century, Buckeyes.

True, the first touchdown was a complete sham. Had Tressel been paying attention and challenged that the ground had caused Illinois’s fumble, or had the Illini not hurried to get a play off, they ball would have gone back to the Bucks on the twenty-yard line. But it wouldn’t have mattered. The Ohio State defense could not stop Juice Williams and the Illinois running backs from getting 5-6 yards per carry. And of the four touchdowns that Juice threw, all of them were to guys that were anywhere from 1 to 8 yards open. Easy pickins.

And then there’s the play of Todd Boeckman. Before the game, a fellow Buckeye friend of mine mentioned his speculation of the newly-anointed Golden Boy from St. Henry. He said it was the silent “o” in his last name that made him not trustworthy (and the fact that he loves throwing the long ball into double coverage). After the game, this same friend decided that the silent “o” stood for “overrated.” His greatness, indeed, is overrated—several sportscasters were mentioning Heisman in the same breath as Boeckman last week before the game. But his importance to the Buckeyes’ success is not overrated at all. If we would have won Saturday and had gone on to win a National Title, and if we win this coming Saturday against Michigan, it would have been because of number 17. Not number 33 (not much of a factor against Illinois), or number 80 (who decided not to show up Saturday), or even number 28 (who, at 80-90%, is better than any other RB in the Big Ten. Even Mike Hart).

Defense doesn’t win championships anymore. Not in this spread-offense-riddled landscape that is college football. You have to be able to put points on the board because every great team can do just that. Offenses will move the ball. You are not going to dominate a great team defensively anymore. Coordinators are too smart and players are too fast. That’s why Boeckman is so important. Those three interceptions by Boeckman (one in the endzone and another within the redzone) hurt OSU more than the inability of their D to stop their opponent, in the end. Had those three pics turned into scores, and had Boeckman not thrown some other questionable passes, the outcome would have been different. I’m not saying he played horribly, because he showed some real moxie standing in the pocket and taking shots and even running for big gains when the need arose. I just wish he’d been more like Krenzel and less like Bellasari.

Let’s just hope he plays like the QB who actually won last year’s Heisman Saturday versus those Wolverines. Or the one who will win next year’s.

NFL PICKS
Last Week: A woeful 6-8, thank goodness I didn’t document them here.
Overall: A respectable 64-50
Tampa Bay over ATLANTA
CINCY over Arizona
INDY over KC
JACKSONVILLE over San Diego
Oakland over MINNESOTA
Cleveland over BALTIMORE
GREEN BAY over Carolina
New Orleans over HOUSTON
PHILLY over Miami
DETROIT over Giants
Pittsburgh over JETS
DALLAS over Washington
St. Louis over SAN FRAN
SEATTLE over Chicago
New England over BUFFALO
DENVER over Tennessee

Kobe-To-Bulls Trade / Week 9

2007-11-01T11:11:00.001-05:00

I wish I could enjoy all this Kobe-to-the-Bulls talk. But I can’t. It’s not going to happen. Kobe has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t simply want to play for the same mediocre team in a different city. He doesn’t just want to swap jerseys and continue chucking up 40 shots a night on a team destined to barely make the playoffs. He wants to contend. He’s not doing that in Los Angeles with a supporting cast of the likes of the underachieving duo of Odom and Kwame. Or Luke Walton, who can pass, but that’s about it. Or Derek Fisher, a good scorer of the bench on a good team, running the show. Or Andrew Bynum, who is at least 2 years away from being pretty good, and maybe just pretty good.

Kobe wants to go to the Bulls, but he doesn’t want to be shipped off for Luol Deng, the Bulls best player, or Ben Wallace, the Bulls best…over-the-hill, undersized center. He says he will veto any deal that includes either of the two. Kobe wants his cake and eat it too. He wants the whole cake with extra icing and a tall, chilled glass of milk to wash it down. And he apparently doesn’t want to leave the Lakers anything but crumbs. And that aint gonna fly. No matter how much Buss and Kupchak want him gone.

I was curiously using the ESPN.com Trade Machine to try and make a deal work between the two teams, and it’s nearly impossible. One trade had me sending Ben Gordon, Chris Duhon, Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah, Viktor Khryapa, and James OnCurry for Kobe. That means that the starting lineup on the Bulls would be Hinrich, Kobe, Deng, Joe Smith, and Wallace. And coming off the bench? Thabo Shefolosha, Nocioni, rookie Aaron Gray and Adrian Griffin. Now this team is pretty good, but they have absolutely nothing down low. Even less so than now, which I thought was impossible. And the Lakers aren’t really getting much in return besides an undersized streak shooter who can’t play defense (Gordon), an energy guy who is limited offensively besides being the most annoying personality on the planet (Noah), a backup point guard (Duhon), a dunker (Thomas), and two rookies. For the best player in the world? The Lakers aren’t stupid, and they aren’t that desperate.

That’s why I’m not holding my breath. The only way this happens is if the Bulls give up several draft picks, if Kobe concedes on his demands, or if a third team gets involved. Rumor has it that the Kings are shopping around Ron Artest, but even his talents don’t come close to even 50 cents on the dollar.

So, as much as I would love to see Kobe stroking fadeaways a la MJ in a Bulls #24, it’s more likely that I start liking the current Bulls #13.

Week 9 NFL Picks
Last Week: 6-7 (yikes!)
Overall: 58-42

TENNESSEE over Carolina
TAMPA BAY over Arizona
Washington over NY JETS
NEW ORLEANS over Jacksonville
San Diego over MINNESOTA
ATLANTA over San Francisco
Green Bay over KANSAS CITY
DETROIT over Denver
Cincy over BUFFALO
CLEVELAND over Seattle
OAKLAND over Houston
Dallas over PHILLY
PITTSBURGH over Baltimore
Game of the Week:
New England over INDY

"Pun'kamelon" / Week 8

2007-10-23T15:27:00.000-05:00

An actual interaction I had with a boney old man with stringy white hair, flowing from underneath a red Marines cap, at the Wal-Mart in Marion, Indiana:

He walks up to Tink and I as we are in line at one of the self-checkout lines, sees that we have two large pumpkins in our cart, and smiles.

"Whoa, those are pretty big pun'kins," he says, getting dangerously close to my personal space boundaries. I smile and nod.

"Those right there are Christmas pun'kins."

Again I laugh and nod my head and add a, "Yup," politely.

"You know, I always wondered what it would be like to cut open a pun'kin and it be a watermelon inside."

I chuckle and make eye-contact with Tink. She smiles at me and we both widen our eyes to each other.

"It'd be called a pun'kamelon," he declares, emphatically and proudly.

"I guess so," I responded, not really knowing what else to say.

He laughs to himself and shuffles off.

Week 8 NFL Picks
Last Week: 10-4
Overall: 52-35

INDY over Carolina
CINCINNATI over Pittsburgh
CHICAGO over Detroit
Oakland over TENNESSEE
Cleveland over St. Louis
MINNESOTA over Philly
NY Giants over MIAMI
NY JETS over Buffalo
SAN DEIGO over Houston
TAMPA BAY over Jacksonville
NEW ENGLAND over Washington
New Orleans over San Francisco
Game of the Week
DENVER over Green Bay

Joel Osteen / Week 7

2007-10-18T12:45:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday 60 Minutes did a feature on pastor and ubiquitous media presence, Joel Osteen. It was the same run-of-the-mill take on the man that seems to cause so much dissension within the church. 60 Minutes showed him as a likable, charming speaker with a positive, uplifting message of hope and optimism amidst a world where such an attitude is less than prevalent. Then they showed a Christian scholar who claimed Osteen's message is "cotton candy religion" and that it really didn't help people as much as they might think it does.

As I watched his interview, it was hard for me to see him in the negative light that the scholar does and I once did. He does bring in thousands of lost, seeking people into his church every week, and millions of others through his television broadcasts and books. He seemed genuine and humbled by the fact that God is using him to help people, especially when he broke down reflecting on that very thought. And the answers to the interviewer's harder-hitting questions seemed to make sense. When asked why he doesn't use scripture as much as other pastors, and why he doesn't focus on sin, which are two big reasons why a lot of other Christians and scholars tend to find fault with him, he calmly answered that he didn't feel like that was his gift. He feels that his gift is giving positive words to those who need encouragement and ways to improve their life by improving relationships with other people, excepting the "place where they are," and having an optimistic way of looking at situations, not beating them down with what they do wrong, like much of the rest of the world does every day. He called them "simple" themes and concepts meant to improve life.

It makes sense to me, I thought. He is doing good things. He is helping people.

Then on Monday something happened I wasn't expecting. I was listening to ESPN Radio while at work when host Colin Cowherd brought up the very same 60 Minutes story. He was on the topic of the world being very cynical and referred to Joel Osteen's feature from the night before. He described Osteen as a guy who is trying to be positive in a world where children are watching death and smut on television everyday from a young age. Then he brought up the religious scholar who made the "cotton candy" statement. Cowherd then explained that he was not a religious person, that he did not go to church, but that Osteen was the only preacher he would watch on TV. He said that all other TV preachers seemed "fake" and greedy, but Osteen seemed like a real person who actually cared. And then he exclaimed that he didn't know why why so many scholars and pastors had anything bad to say about Osteen. He stated "So what," if Osteen doesn't use scripture. "Whatever gets them in the tent," he said. And then he explained that at the end of every message Osteen says for all his viewers and listeners to attend a Bible-believing church, which Cowherd interpreted as, "He doesn't say Christian, he doesn't say Jewish, he just says Bible."

After hearing Cowherd's view of Osteen, it forced me to revisit three big questions I thought I had had answered the night before:

1) What is his overall message and what is his audience hearing?

According to Cowherd it's that the Bible isn't that important. Not important enough to use it as the foundation for life. Osteen states that his new book, Become A Better You, uses scripture to "back up" his advice, not as a basis for it.

2) Are they also hearing that we can do it on our own?

Isn't the whole point of turning your life over to God that we realize that we cannot do anything on our own? Every attempt of becoming a better person, a righteous person who loves everyone as we love ourselves, using our own resources is in vain. We need Him, in the worst way imaginable.

3) Where does Jesus come into play?

As far as I know, from what I heard in the interview, He doesn't. Osteen never mentioned Jesus, his church doesn't have any crosses or banners proclaiming "Jesus Is Lord" or anything like that. I'm not saying that iconic representations of Jesus are absolutely necessary, but if his viewers never see the name Jesus or anything associated with His act of atonement, or better yet, hear the name Jesus, where are they going to get it? And how do you miss Jesus if you claim to be a preacher of the Good News?

Although Joel Osteen may be helping people have a more positive outlook on life and giving advice for improving relationships with others, I really don't see how that differs from your basic self-help guru, except for the fact that he sprinkles in "God" every once and awhile.

I think he tries to do good, I think he is genuine, and maybe his sermons and books improve peoples' lives to some degree, but only to the limit that we can go on our own, which is not very far at all.

He reminds me of Oprah. Both are media megastars with a big following who preaches an empty spirituality about doing good deeds and positive attitudes. This is all well and good, but I believe God would say, not good enough. Sure, he gets them in the tent, but the biggest question is what are they really leaving with?

Week 7 NFL Picks:

Last Week: 7-6

Overall: 42-31

Baltimore over BUFFALO

NY GIANTS over Niners

New England over MIAMI

Tennessee over HOUSTON

Tampa Bay over DETROIT

NEW ORLEANS over Atlanta

WASHINGTON over Arizona

OAKLAND over Kansas City

CINCINNATI over NY Jets

DALLAS over Minnesota

Chicago over PHILLY

SEATTLE over St. Louis

Pittsburgh over DENVER

Game of the Week:

INDY over Jacksonville

I'm the Jim of My Office / Week 6

2007-10-11T14:21:00.000-05:00

I work in a climate-controlled, cube-dotted, and fluorescent-lit office building plopped down in the middle of a forest preserve in a quiet northern suburb of the third biggest city in the country. The building is separated into floors, and each floor a section. Each section is classified further into groups, which house aisles of 30 or so cubes, which hold one person each. Each group is assigned a name and genre of products. I am part of the LPG team, the Legal Professional Group. We reside on the first floor, Southwest section, of the Riverwoods Branch, of CCH, Inc., a Wolters Kluwer company. My group publishes new and revised laws, regulations, and court cases on topics ranging from banking and finance to advertising and nuclear energy.

Each group, I assume, resembles The Office in some way or another. And one can conclude that each group has a Jim. I’m the Jim of my office.

We have an Oscar. An effeminate Latino man who wears vibrant sweaters and sports a single stud earring. We have a Michael Scott, sort of. An extremely awkward higher-up who gets his kicks telling bad jokes. We have several Phyllises. Overweight, middle-aged women overscented with department store perfume and wearing flowery matching outfits from Fashion Bug, and who fill their area with pictures of their children and grandchildren and faraway beach scenes. We’ve got a Toby. A quiet, single guy who has an obvious crush on a co-worker. But ours wears see-through, short-sleeved collared shirts from the 70s. And we have a Kevin. A large balding man who creeps all the women out with his monotone voice and stalkerish tendencies. We do have a woman who is of Indian decent. But she is no Kelly.

We have a blond who obsesses over office parties and events, like organizing a coupon bin for the group’s cost-cutting needs, but she is not standoffish or cat-obsessed, like Angela. We have no Pam-like cute secretaries who dress modestly and excel in various crafts. No grumpy Black guy like Stanley, or overeager brown-noser like Andy. We lack Merediths—alcoholic redheads. We have a temp, but it’s an older woman who keeps to herself, not a young guy like Ryan.

And we only sort-of have a Dwight. He is a balding, bespectacled fellow who creeps around the attractive girls’ cubes sporting his size-too-small Banana Republic khakis. And he really doesn’t seem to have a job other than that. But he does not have a bobble head of himself. And he is not quite as militant, as far as I can tell.

But I am Jim. I find myself looking around the aisle for a camera some days. Like when two older women discuss their current bowel movements and whether or not cheese consumption has contributed to its erratic behavior. Or when our Michael makes comments like, “Well if my cube had a door, I’d have an open door policy.”

I search under my desk for boom mikes when the woman who sits across from me vocalizes her every thought. She says, “Shoot,” every time she makes a mistake (which is a lot), “Oh gee, its almost lunchtime,” every day at precisely 11:15 CST, and even “Stretch!” each time she does that. And her diction pierces through the ESPN Radio I blast in my headphones throughout the day, allowing me to hear even the most subtle utterance.

I scour my car for lipstick cams when I roll into the parking lot just in time to watch a co-worker’s morning routine of peering into every window of his new CRX to make sure that all the doors locked. Then spying him walk away, only to turn back around and check every window again. And then doing this again. And once more.

I look behind me to make sure I’m not being followed by a crew. Sometimes I’m hesitant of speaking for fear of delivering the wrong lines. But my day is never completely dull. And I guess, for a recent grad tackling bills and real apartment rent, and awaiting the inevitable death of an 11-year-old car, that’s all I can really ask for. Besides a raise.

NFL PICKS WEEK 6
Last Week: 11-3
Overall: 35-25

BALTIMORE over St. Louis
GREEN BAY over Washington
Tennessee over TAMPA BAY
Cincinnati over KANSAS CITY
Philadelphia over NY JETS
Houston over JACKSONVILLE
CHICAGO over Minnesota
CLEVELAND over Miami
ARIZONA over Carolina
SAN DIEGO over Oakland
SEATTLE over New Orleans
NY Giants over ATLANTA
Game of the Week:
New England over DALLAS

Ohio State, 2007 BCS Champs? / Week 5 picks

2007-10-08T10:13:00.000-05:00

After the craziest two weeks in recent college football history, look at the AP Top 25 poll. Number one is LSU. No change there. They definitely deserve to be number one over that amazing comeback win over the defending National Champion Florida Gators. Number two is an undefeated Cal team. Ok, it’s a stretch, but I can see that. They beat a talented Oregon team and were regarded as a top ten team in the preseason. Number three is…Ohio State! Wait. Ohio State? The same Buckeye team that lost a Heisman trophy winner, two first round draft choices at wide receiver and a 1,000-yard running back after getting smashed in the BCS Championship Game? The same team that was supposed to be “rebuilding” after going undefeated last year?

It’s hard for me to believe that Ohio State is once again in the hunt for a national title, especially after an offseason where we lost so much talent and took a lot of shots from the national media. This year’s team, and the situation we find ourselves in, reminds me a lot of 2002, when OSU upset Miami to win a national championship. And they might be better built for winning it all this year than last year’s team.

Take a closer look: this defense is for real. They’re a year older than last year. They aren’t relying on turnovers as much as last year’s defense. Laurinaitis is playing out-of-his mind. Jenkins is looking like an All-American. The D-line, lead by Vernon Gholston is allowing negative yards rushing in most games. Offensively, we have a solid QB (Boeckman) who doesn’t make many bad mistakes (ignore those interceptions against Purdue). A great one-two punch with the Wells boys at RB. A knockout punch at wideout (Robiskie). And a few speedy athletes for catching passes, screens, and working it on special teams (Hartline, Small).

Here are the four biggest reasons why our chances look good:
Three of the four favorites to win it all this year have all been beaten in the last two weeks (USC, Florida, Oklahoma)
Cal plays USC later this year and will probably not be favored in that game.
LSU has to play in the SEC Championship game.
Ohio State only has a few tough games left on the schedule (Penn St., Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois), all completely winnable.
We’ll probably be underdogs if we make it to the BCS title game, no matter who we play, and that is always a better position to be in (see: 2002, 2006).

I think this could be our year. We could end up playing and undefeated LSU team (one that would have gotten beaten by Florida if not for some go-for-it-on-fourth-downs that went their way) in the national title game. And I like our chances. Go Bucks!

My week 5 picks (a day late, but I didn’t change them)
Last week: 6-8
Overall: 24-22
HOUSTON over Miami
Jacksonville over KANSAS CITY
NY GIANTS over NY Jets
NEW ORLEANS over Carolina
NEW ENGLAND over Cleveland
Detroit over WASHINGTON
TENNESSEE over Atlanta
Arizona over ST LOUIS
PITTSBURGH over Seattle
INDY over Tampa Bay
Baltimore over SAN FRANCISCO
San Diego over DENVER
GREEN BAY over Chicago
Dallas over BUFFALO

Griese is the Word/ Week 4 Picks

2007-09-28T09:27:00.000-05:00

This week, a giant sigh of relief, mixed with various levels of cheers, could be heard in living rooms, sports bars, and offices in every corner of the Chicagoland area. Rex Grossman was finally benched in favor of someone else. In this case, the someone else is Brian Griese, perhaps the more popular Bears quarterback over the past two years even though he has yet to take a regular season snap.

My only reaction to this is the declaration that it won’t be long before we’ll be calling for his head, as well. In case we might have forgotten, Brian Griese isn’t exactly the Messiah, or Tom Brady. What he might be is a second coming of Chris Chandler, the Bears QB during the Dick Juron era. Which isn’t a bad thing, really. If you don’t mind three and outs, and falling asleep during Bears games, or Bernard Berrian begging for a fade route. Just one. Because I'm pretty sure that if Griese tried to throw anything longer than 15 yds, his arm would fall off.

And I'm not just banging on Griese because he's a Wolverine. Or that his dad is one of my least favorite football announcers (second only to Brent Musberger). This guy did have a Pro-Bowl year (7 years ago), but in the preseason, he didn't exactly look spectacular. The balls he threw didn't exactly have the Grossman zip on them. He didn't exactly light up the scoreboard. So what's going to change for an offense ranked 30th in the NFL?

This is going to be the average series for the new-look Bears O: Benson, run down the middle, 2 yd. gain; Benson, run left, 1 yd. gain; Griese, 5 yd. completion to Olson; Punt. And Griese will probably throw just as many pics as Rex, and get sacked just as much, but he won’t fumble snaps, and he’ll make a 58.6 QB rating look better than Rex did, and they may be all that Lovie is looking for. But don't look for the Bears to be significantly improved.

The Bears won’t win the division. That much is clear. Not with that offense, and not with the new bevy of injuries to that once stellar D, and not with those Packers rolling. The Packers D is amazing (AJ Hawk), and Favre is playing pretty well. They’ll go 10-6 or 11-5 and lock up the NFC North. The only question that remains is will the Bears get a Wild Card berth? If not, the question becomes, will they draft a QB in the first round next year, or go after a veteran free agent? Is Jake Plummer still retired?

My week 4 picks

Last week (9-7), Overall (18-14)

HOME TEAM IN CAPS

Houston over ATLANTA

NY Jets over BUFFALO

Baltimore over CLEVELAND

DALLAS over St. Louis

DETROIT over Chicago

MIAMI over Oakland

Green Bay over MINNESOTA

Tampa Bay over CAROLINA

Seattle over SAN FRANCISCO

Pittsburgh over ARIZONA

INDIANAPOLIS over Denver

SAN DIEGO over Kansas City

Philadelphia over NY GIANTS
Game of the Week:

New England over CINCINNATI

College Realizations/NFL Week 3

2007-09-21T08:23:00.000-05:00

After watching some college games last weekend I've noticed 3 big things:

1. The Big Ten is about 5-8 years behind the curve. After watching with joy Michigan's loss two weeks ago to Oregon, I realized that Oregon might just as well have beaten Ohio State. The Bucks had a some problems with the same type of offense and the same type of quarterback last weekend at Washington, and of course we all know how they did against a speedy spread offense and fast defense last year in the BCS Championship. Had James Laurinitis not dominated and had Locker been an experienced Junior or Senior, like Oregon's QB, as apposed to a green Freshman, the Huskies might have pulled off the upset. The Big Ten just doesn't have the speed that other schools in the SEC, Pac-10, and Oklahoma and West Virginia do. It's funny because in 2002, when OSU won the title, it was mostly to do with their defensive speed and crafty QB play. Not so much in today's game immersed in the spread offense QBs who are dual threats. The Big Ten will always look good against each other because that's who they are built to contend with. But once they leave the conference, its a different story. I don't mean to be a home conference hater, but its the truth. Right, Lloyd?

2. There is a definate top tier this year. USC, Florida, LSU, and Oklahoma are far and away the best-of-the-best, and its not even close. Did you watch USC thump a supposedly top-15 Nebraska...without even passing the ball? Did you see Florida drop 50-something on former SEC power Tennessee? How about Oklahoma destroying a Miami team that made top-25 Texas A&M look silly last night? And LSU's Bayou Bengal D is probably better than the Cincinnati Bengal D'. Two of these four will go undefeated and face off in a classic title game. My guess, USC and LSU. If LSU can beat Florida.

3. It's time Notre Dame joins the Big Ten. They would be great together. After all the years of speculation, its time they did it. Want an explination, check out this article on SI.com. Stewart Mandel says it better than I can.

Not that these three things are world-shattering or that I'm the first person to realize them. But they are interesting things to think about and discuss.

NFL
I didn't do so bad last week. Let's be honest, who could have predicted that defenseless fiasco up in Cleveland? And another game was decided by one point. Over .500 is very good, and its what I'm aiming for.
Now for my picks. (Last week 9-7/Overall 9-7)
Home teams in CAPS
BALTIMORE over Arizona
San Diego over GREEN BAY
Indianapolis over HOUSTON
Minnesota over KANSAS CITY
NEW ENGLAND over Buffalo
NY JETS over Miami
PHILADELPHIA over Detroit
PITTSBURGH over San Francisco
St. Louis over TAMPA BAY
DENVER over Jacksonville
OAKLAND over Cleveland
SEATTLE over Cincy
Carolina over ATLANTA
WASHINGTON over NY Giants
NEW ORLEANS over Tennessee
Game of the week:
CHICAGO over Dallas

your picks please...

NFL Season Preview / Week 2 Picks

2007-09-14T13:00:00.000-05:00

Now that I have a lot more time on my hands, and now that it’s the NFL is off and running, and since I feel I should be blogging more, from now until the end of football season I will be giving you my weekly picks. This will be a good place to keep track of how well I can pick games (Chris Berman is almost always sub-.500) and will be a fun thing to write and for you to read every week. Please reply with your picks and any comments you may have to mine.

First, as every other sports website, magazine, and newspaper has done, it’s time for my season preview. Here’s my rundown of division winners, my prediction of their records, and how the playoffs and Super Bowl win pan out.

NFC, first:
East
1. Dallas COWBOYS (10-6)—This team is an enigma. They could very well go 7-9 this season, but I like the Romo to TO connection on offense. Their defense, however…
2. Philadelphia EAGLES (9-7)—Even a hobbled McNabb is better than 75% of the rest of the NFL quarterback crop. They’ll lose some games they should win, though (like last week’s against Green Bay).
3. NY GIANTS (8-8)—Their season rests on the shoulders (the injured throwing shoulder included) of “Little Manning.” Especially with that suspect, injury-plagued, D.
4. Washington REDSKINS (5-11)—Quick, name their starting quarterback. Exactly.

West
1. Seattle SEAHAWKS (12-4)—Look for this team to look a lot like that team that should’ve won a Super Bowl two years ago, now that Hasselbeck and Alexander are both 100%.
2. St. Louis RAMS (8-8)—They should be a great offensive team this year. Hopefully Steven Jackson returns to form. And that rookie Carriker will be great. They’ll be in the Wild Card race up until the end.
3. San Francisco 49ERS (7-9)—They’re still a couple of years away from the playoffs, but they’ve got some STUDS on offense (Smith, Gore, Davis) and the defensive backfield (Clements, a Buckeye by-the-way).
4. Arizona CARDINALS (6-10)—Well, they look good.

North
1. Chicago BEARS (13-3)—That defense alone will win them 10 games. Rex alone will lose them 3. Hester will win one by himself. And the other two wins, Rex will look great against bad teams (like this week against KC).
2. Green Bay PACKERS (8-8)—I really like the Packer’s D (read: AJ Hawk). And Favre still has a few fumes left in the tank.
3. Minnesota VIKINGS (7-9)—If they had a quarterback they’d be a playoff team with that D and that rookie running back.
4. Detroit LIONS (7-9)—As a Bengals fan, I just have a hard time taking a team lead by Jon Kitna seriously. But Calvin Johnson is going to be great.

South
1. New Orleans SAINTS (10-6)—Take their offense, Brees, Bush, and Co., and put it with the Bears’ defense and you’ve got a Championship team. The Saints would trade their D in a heartbeat. Sorry, Will Smith.
2. Carolina PANTHERS (9-7)—Delhomme is playing for a job at this point. But their D and Steve Smith should make up for his short-comings.
3. Atlanta FALCONS (4-12)—Joey Harrington.
4. Tampa Bay BUCCANEERS (4-12)—Garcia is old. Simms started at Texas and made it into the league because of his last name. Plummer might be better this year (retired) than last year.

Playoffs:
Rd. 1
SAINTS over PANTHERS
COWBOYS over EAGLES

Rd. 2
BEARS over SAINTS
SEAHAWKS over COWBOYS

NFC Championship
SEAHAWKS over BEARS

AFC, the more exiting conference:
East
1. New England PATRIOTS (15-1)—The whole cheating thing will have nothing to do with them dominating the league this year. They’re too experienced, too good, too well coached (even though Belichick is a sad, unhappy jerk) not to run the table. Brady to Moss, are you kidding me?
2. NY JETS (7-9)—Thomas Jones should have been more picky when he demanded a trade (read: bad O-line). And what’s with Jets fans hating on Pennington? They’ve never liked him, even though he’s a tough, gritty, QB who gives his all every down.
3. Buffalo BILLS (5-11)—They lost their best defensive player (Clements) and their best offensive player (McGahee). What’s left?
4. Miami DOLPHINS (5-11)—As much as I dislike Nick Saban, all you have to do is look at this roster and you can understand why he left. I think Trent Green still has a concussion.

West
1. San Diego CHARGERS (14-2)—I could do with out the “lights out” dance. But LT is money.
2. Denver BRONCOS (9-7)—Looks like Cutler may struggle at times this year. But, mark my words, Travis Henry will be in the top 8 in rushing yards this year.
3. Oakland RAIDERS (4-12)—Good D, Daunte Culpepper. Could be a spoiler vs. better teams.
4. Kansas City CHIEFS (3-13)—LJ may break last year’s single-season carries record. What else are they going to do with the ball?

North
1. Cincinnati BENGALS (11-5) —That defense looked like fast ball hawkers on Monday vs. the Ravens. If that’s the case, and Carson, TJ and the Johnsons are put up numbers, this could be a good year in the ‘Nati.
2. Pittsburgh STEELERS (11-5)—This is a playoff team. Ben looks great. Granted it was against the Browns.
3. Baltimore RAVENS (10-6)—I’ve never liked the Ravens and this year I think they’re overrated, especially on offense. Sit McNair, and put in Troy Smith.
4. Cleveland BROWNS (2-14)—It’s a bad sign when the only reason to watch is to see the rookie backup QB hold a clipboard.

South
1. Indianapolis COLTS (12-4)—Their defense is faster and better than last year and Peyton looks sharp and ready for another run.
2. Tennessee TITANS (8-8)—Leave it to Jeff Fisher to lead a bunch of no-names, a good running game, and Vince Young to a respectable record.
3. Jacksonville JAGUARS (7-9)— Their D is good, but can they really be overly excited about Gerrard as the QB of the future?
4. Houston TEXANS (6-10)—The Falcons are kicking themselves for trading what looks to be a pretty good young gun in Matt Shaub. And this young defense is a year or two away from being scary.

Playoffs:
Rd. 1
COLTS over RAVENS
STEELERS over BENGALS

Rd. 2
PATRIOTS over STEELERS
CHARGERS over COLTS

NFC Championship
PATRIOTS over CHARGERS

So that means my Super Bowl pick this year is…
PATRIOTS over SEAHAWKS

I just couldn’t see the Bears getting back with that monstrosity at QB, no matter how much help he has, he isn’t getting any better. And considering they had to have everything fall in their direction just to get into the Super Bowl, I don’t see it happening this year. But we’ll see. What makes the NFL so great is that someone nobody expects, like the Texans, could win it all this year.

Now for my Week 2 picks…(Home teams in CAPS)

CAROLINA over Houston
Cincy over CLEVELAND
JACKSONVILLE over Atlanta
Green Bay over NY GIANTS
PITTSBURGH over Buffalo
ST. LOUIS over San Fran.
New Orleans over TAMPA
Indy over TENNESSEE
Seattle over ARIZONA
Minnesota over DETROIT
Dallas over MIAMI
BALTIMORE over NY Jets
CHICAGO over KC
DENVER over Oakland
NEW ENGLAND over San Diego
PHILADELPHIA over Washington

Comments please.

Summer Makes For a Good Poem

2007-08-19T18:36:00.000-05:00

It makes a good poem
when you pick dead heads
from morning glories.
When you arch over on
your toenails to pluck
the buds snaking on the
back fence.
When you lob them over
your shoulder or rain a pink
and indigo
bunch over the lawn.

It makes me want to write
when the sun glints the
bottoms of landing airplanes.
When proud black-eyed susans
flirt with dog noses.
When cicadas sing along with
tolling church bell hymns.

It makes me dash back into
the kitchen for a pad and pen
and flick my fingers, sticky, still
strawberry scented, when the
sky turns the color of your
cheeks when you smile.
When cologne and deoderant,
car exhaust and plastic is covered
up by garden and Off!, petunas
and snapdragons.

Summer makes for a good poem.

Mere Christianity

2007-07-12T14:13:00.001-05:00

Last week at my new home church, Harvest Bible Chapel, they opened the service with a video testimony of one of the worship leaders. He had achieve success in the music business at a young age when his band, the Smoking Popes, was signed by a major record deal. In usual Behind The Music fashion, he quickly got swept up in alcohol and drugs and a feeling of loneliness. He eventually turned his life around and dedicated his life to serving Christ through his music, and he attributed this to reading C.S. Lewis's masterpiece Mere Christianity.

After hearing his story, I felt inspired to read Mere Christianity again. I first bought and read the book as a senior in high school, at that time in life where I began to think and ask questions and doubt everything I'd ever been taught about everything. Reading Mere Christianity was the single most impacting event that transformed my faith, and it did so for three reasons:
1. It reestablished my beliefs.
The book begins assuming the reader is starting with a clean slate. It begins with a proof of a Creator, builds upon that foundation to defend that Creator as the God of the Old Testament, and eventually the Jesus of the New Testament. This is perfect with any doubts of God's existence or Christ's divinity.
2. It reaffirmed my faith.
I knew I was a Christian. I knew I believed that Jesus Christ was the son of God. But I really didn't know why I believed that other than I had been told those very things from birth. Lewis explains things in such a way that I felt silly for ever doubting the basic tenets of Christianity.
3. It revitalized my confidence in Christianity.
Lewis's wisdom and intellectual power made me feel proud to be able to call myself a follower of Christ. Not only that, but his numerous expressions of God's love for His children made me all the more excited to be counted as one of His.

So after I removed Mere Christianity from my shelf, blew off the dust that had accumulated, and began reading it again, I shouldn't have been surprised by its continued relevancy in my life, even though I am 5 years wiser, spiritually and otherwise. But I was.

Lewis's writing voice continues to amaze me. Even after four years of undergrad level study in the areas of English, in which I read unceasingly, and Writing, in which I study the art of shaping sentences. His command of the English language is impressive, powerful, and smile-inducing. And even though I consider my walk with Christ light years beyond what I was as I read Mere Christianity for the first time, this read through is not without its lessons.

For example, in his "What Christians Believe" section, Lewis comments on the three ways in which we enter in the "new life" of Christianity, baptism, belief, and communion, as ways in which we "share the humility and suffering of Christ." And by participating in these sacraments, we are "keeping up a life [we] got from someone else." A life, Lewis calls a "Christ-life" because it is like "Christ operating" through us, which we causes us to do "good," but one which we can lose if we don't keep it up.

We are the body of Christ, as Romans 7, Corinthians 11, and Lewis explain ("we are the physical organism through which Christ acts"), and the three processes in which we maintain His body are metaphors for how we maintain our earthly bodies. Belief is the mental process through which we spread this new life of Christ in us. Baptism and Holy Communion are the physical, or "bodily" acts which spread life: baptism, the cleansing and purification of the body, communion, the nourishment of the body.

I always knew communion and baptism, and, of course, belief, were important aspects of a continually growing Christian life. And I always approached every one of these processes with reverence, but not until reading Lewis's description of why these rituals are significant did I really "get it." Never again will I view them without the respect and seriousness they really deserve.

Now I'm finding myself craving the Word more, and looking forward to learning more lessons from Lewis.

Update: Job, Beatles, Noah, Oden, etc.

2007-07-02T14:09:00.000-05:00

Here are some thoughts since my last post of June 15:

-God provides. I applied for about 40 or 50 jobs from February to June and I only heard back from two. One in March that didn't go anywhere, and then another less than a week after I just up and moved to Palatine with no real clear prospects. That second call resulted in a phone interview the next week, a real interview the following week, then a job offer three days later. And of all the jobs to call me back, it's the closest to where I currently live. It can only be explained as God's direct intervention. I am blessed.

-I love The Beatles. I watched the eight-chapter, five-disk Anthology and it only made me want more. I dare anyone to listen to "A Day in the Life" and tell me it is not one of the best songs ever written. Double dare. Oh, and The Beatles cover band American English was surprisingly entertaining (Palatine Fest). Their Paul was even left-handed. I was empressed.

-The Bulls drafted Joakim Noah which makes me very unhappy. I don't like his cockiness and primadonna attitude (and did you see what he wore to the draft? Seersucker suit and a bowtie?), but I guess his energy works in the Bulls' system. It's not a deal breaker for me, unlike my buddy Jason who said, "There goes my interest in season tickets." I'm not that mad. I only wish we could have gotten more low-post scoring, the one thing we need to make a finals run next year. Perhaps GM John Paxson will swing a deal, perhaps shipping out Chris Duhon and Ben Gordon or Andres Nocioni for a big guy. It's just a shame that I'll have to see his goofy self donning my team's uni for the unforeseeable future.

-Speaking of the draft, way to go Greg Oden! He was chosen by the Portland Trailblazers with the number one pick. They showed video from his arrival in Portland on Sportscenter, and he was dancing around, smiling from ear-to-ear. I love this kid, and I'm glad he's the face of a franchise that's really trying to do something great with young players who are equal parts talented players and quality individuals. And congrats to Mike Conley, as well, getting drafted number four by Memphis. I couldn't be more honored and proud as a Buckeye fan than to be able to say these two guys spent a year in Columbus, sporting the Scarlet and Gray.

-There is no excuse for me not getting better at guitar this summer and fall. Its not like I have a lot to do (at least until July 16). I just wish the F chords and B chords were easier. The fact that I have the hands of a 7th grade girl doesn't help.

Weirdos : Public Library :: Moth : Flame

2007-06-15T14:18:00.000-05:00

So now that I've moved to Palatine, one of the bazillion northern Chicago 'burbs, I've spending a lot of time at the public library. Basically because I'm unemployed and I have nothing better to do but watch ESPN, read, and get on the Internet. I can do two of the three at the public library (and, really, ESPN.com is just as good as TV). The thing I've noticed about the library, besides the fact that the ones in the 'burbs are amazing compared to small town Ohio and medium town Indiana, but they are a mecca for weird people.

This week I spent the better part of three afternoons at the Arlington Heights Public Library, surfing the web and reading poetry and nonfiction stuff (exciting, I know), and on two of the days, I felt like I was in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. I was expecting Jack Nicholson to jump off the top of a bookshelf in front of me wearing a straight jacket and singing show tunes.

Wednesday, I was sitting in the Newsstand area, reading GQ, learning that two button suits are now the way to go, and if you're going to risk wearing a seersucker suit, you should sport only a cotton tie along with, when an older gentlemen, a book and Diet Mountain Dew in-tow, decided to sit next to me. This was fine by me, save his tendency to narrate his every move. It went something like this:

"Well I think I'll sit down right here in this chair. Whoa that's a comfy chair. All right, let's take a sip of this pop right here. Man, $1.25 for a pop, wow! They sure charge a lot! OK, taking off the cap. Mmm. That's a pretty good pop. And they keep it nice and cold. What...what is in this pop? Hmm...concentrated orange juice, and...citric acid...that's some good stuff for a pop..."

Now about this time, the guy across from me picked up his newspaper and left. And the scruffy old guy in the corner, who had been snoring under his hooded sweatshirt and over his open magazine, woke up and strolled off. I was completely in awe of what was transpiring. And it continued:

"Hm, lets open this book here. OK, where was I? I haven't been here in...two..months, yes that's right. Here's my spot. OK, The Untouchables [his book was about classic TV shows and their stars]. Ahh, Robert Stack, he played Elliot Ness. Yeah, boy does he look young. Oh! Oh! David Letterman! Boy he looks young. It looks like this was taken at least...twenty two years ago! Yeah. Hey, hey young man. Have you ever seen David Letterman look this young?" He leaned over to me, but I tried to ignore him. He persisted, though until I answered. At that point, enough was enough and I got up and left.

The day before, I was sitting about the same exact spot when I overheard a "discussion" in the cafe area. I got up to investigate and found a lady yelling an obviously drunk, hobo-esque, middle-aged man.

"I'm not going to let you do this. You need to get your stuff together! My second husband died of alcohol and you aren't going to do the same thing!" she screamed at the man, at full volume.

"I..do...have it to..gether...Rosa," the man slurred.

They continued to scream at each other for several minutes, and I decided to leave for the day. As I walked around the cafe to the exit (I could have walked through, but there was no way), I caught a glimpse of a guy about my age sitting right next to the door. He apparently had been sitting there for the duration of the "chat" and the look on his face told the whole story.

And yet, even though the library attracts weirdos like moths to the flame, I keep coming back. What's a guy to do?

LeBron and Jesus

2007-06-02T12:40:00.000-05:00

While I was watching LeBron James, arguably the best basketball player in the world, single-handedly (in the most literal since) defeat the Detroit Pistons in Thursday night's Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals, I couldn't help but be amazed. I also couldn't help thinking about Jesus. No, honestly.

I watched, mouth agape, the young wonder hit shot after shot--some fading away, or over three defenders, while getting hacked across the arms, or poked in the eye, you name it. I stared in disbelief as he picked apart the best defense in the NBA, scoring 29 of his team's last 30 points, willing his team to a win in double overtime. I shook my head as he drove past a usually staunch defender in Chauncey Billups, vaulted over and through a burly Jason Maxiell, and a long, shot-blocking specialist, Tayshaun Prince, and flipped in a game-winning layup with two seconds left. Everyone knew he was going to take the last shot, yet no one, not even three of Detroit's best defenders could stop him.

Even though the game was in Detroit, not Cleveland, I could still see some LeBron fans in the crowd sporting his "Witness" t-shirts. This slogan comes from one of LeBron's most popular Nike commercials, in which local Cavalier fans repeat the mantra, "We are all witnesses," as highlights from his various fantastic feats, like one's from Thursday's game, flash in between. These fans declare we are all witnesses to LeBron's grace, his raw power, his unquenchable passion, and his ability to put an entire team on his back and carry them to victory. We are witnesses to his basketball talent, and the fact that he's doing things no other player has ever done, all at such a young age.

What does this have to do with Jesus? Well, in the second book of Acts, the Holy Spirit comes down upon Jerusalem at the time of Pentecost, enabling Peter and other disciples the ability to speak in the many tongues represented by the Jews who had gathered there--Jews from "every nation under heaven." Many of these Jews, representing many nations, were "amazed and perplexed" at what was transpiring. Others claimed Peter and the others were drunk, the only possible explanation. "Surely this isn't really happening. They can't possibly speak every language. That defies all logic," they must have been thinking.

Peter claims this is not the case, however. "It's only nine in the morning," he explains. He continues to describe the past actions of Jesus, the Christ; he performed "miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know." And that "This man was handed over to you...and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross. But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him."

Peter is setting a precedence here. He is saying, "Guys, remember Jesus? He healed the sick, made the blind see, the lame walk, and raised the dead, and He himself could not be defeated by death. You were all witnesses to this. Why do you not believe in God's ability to perform miracles?"

Witnessing LeBron's ballet-like moves and gravity-defying stunts on a basketball floor pales in comparison to the acts of Christ I continually see in my life. Like a family shocked by the overnight disappearance of cancer that had once riddled the body of their infant daughter. Or the simple delivery of a forgotten paycheck into the mailbox of a broke college student, just days before his tuition bill became due. Or even the joy on the face of a mentally challenged young woman, praising His name with all her capacities, even though those capacities are limited.

Even though I am a sinner, and daily nail Christ to the cross, I can be redeemed because of His power over death, His grace and His love, yes, but also because I am a witness to that power, grace and love.

So I guess you can say, "We are all witnesses." Acts 2:32 did.

There you go, from King James to the King of Kings. I know it's a stretch, but go with it.

Between the Seams

2007-05-29T12:29:00.000-05:00

Many things can
be seen between
the seams of a
baseball,

in the mud marks
and scuffs, the
chunks of its
dermis hunked out

like:
Afternoons spent begging
dad for to toss it in
the backyard.

Nights, face-up in bed,
lobbing it up,
knocking the ceiling tiles,
then it popping the back of the glove.

Saturday mornings skipping cartoons
to squeeze on a worn Reds
cap and pitch World Series games
to an overturned metal drum.

And in grassprints, prayers:
To hear a ting from the
singing metal bat, not a
silent swing, each at-bat.

That squinting extra hard
would help to find a
pop fly
against a blinding sky.

That life never got
any harder than sliding
face-first
into home.

A Poem

2007-05-07T16:19:00.000-05:00

My little tribute to the lovely weather we've been having...

Skirt, Shorts Nice

It's skirt, shorts nice out
side. I didn't have to feel
the breeze on my bare
knees to know. My throbbing
sinuses told me so
days ago
it would be.

But these are days when
the headache is worth it.

These are days when
I like to walk.

These are days when
getting smacked on back
of the calf by the seems of
a screaming fastball doesn't
hurt nearly as much as it usually
would.

These are the days when
God is evident.

Subbing Story 2: "Wipe my butt!"

2007-05-03T08:18:00.000-05:00

If you read the title, you might think you know where this is going. Prepare to have all preconceived mental images trumped.

A few weeks ago I was scheduled to be a "floater" at an elementary school in the district. I usually like this distinction because instead of staying in one class all day, you "float" around room-to-room every hour or so. So if you get stuck babysitting a bunch of future convicts, you only have to grit your teeth and bide your time until the teacher returns.

For this particular floating day I was to spend most of the morning in a class of kids who were dubbed "behaviorally challenged" (how's that for P.C.?). The first hour was fine, I had an EA in the class with me and he knew how to handle the kids. The second hour was alright, save for the tantrum of one of the kids that included throwing every small item in the room within reach and kicking the EA who was trying to control him. After he was escorted out of the room and settled down, and ultimately sent home, and after the EA explained to me that this had never happened before, that's when I like to say the magic happened.

A little boy, we'll call him Bobby, who I think might be mildly autistic, decided he was going to use the restroom which is attached to the classroom. A number two special, if you will. After about twenty minutes of silence he began to scream.
"Help! Help! Help me, please! Help," he yelled, over and over, through the door.
"What Bobby?" responded the EA.
Bobby then opened the door and revealed to me his "state of affairs." The EA was helping another student and could not see into the restroom. What he was missing out on, of course, was the fact that Bobby had his pants down to his knees and was crying.
"Help! Help me! Wipe my butt! Wipe...wipe my butt!" he repeated over and over.
The EA then turned and headed over to the restroom. When he finally got within a few feet of the door and could assess the situation, he turned to me, hand over mouth, and nearly choked on his own laughter. While Bobby continued to plead for a hand, quite literally, the EA tried desperately to hold back the tears and chuckles while explaining to Bobby that he was a big boy and needed to finish what he started, so to speak.
Bobby continued to cry out, "Wipe my butt! I poopy! I poopy! Wipe my butt!"
Whenever the EA told him he needed to do it himself, he responded, "No, I can't! Please, help me!"

After about 10 minutes of these negotiations, Bobby relented. He resumed his silence and took care of business.
At least we think he did.
Following few flushes, he returned to the classroom, walking a little funny, and to the puzzle he was finishing on the floor. I continued to watch him for a few minutes afterward out of curiosity.
After a few moments of "puzzling" he looked around the room, making sure no one was watching (he didn't noticed I was), then bent his head back toward his rear and sniffed in that direction. I looked up at the EA who was watching Bobby as well.
We smiled at each other as he said, "A day of firsts. And of all the days."
Yeah, seriously.

Subbling Story 1--"Fact: Martin Luther King died on the toilet."

2007-05-03T07:51:00.000-05:00

I'm planning on blogging more. No, honestly. It's going to be a weekly thing. Mostly because soon I'll have nothing better to do, and because I need to start writing regularly again. Anyway...

If I've gained anything at all by being a substitute teacher these past few months, besides of course a permanent migraine and a sour view of the future generation, I've gained stories. A bag-o-stories, in fact. Here's one. I'll add a few more soon.

I was subbing a day in second grade, the day after Martin Luther King day. The teacher had in her lesson plan "explain the difference between fact and opinion, use MLK," so I flipped on the old overhead projector, uncapped a marker, and prepared for the popular "blank stare" response to my lecture. After writing "Fact" on one side of the overhead, and "Opinion" on the other, I asked the class to give me some examples of each about Martin Luther King.

I called first on a boy to my right who chimed, "He was black!"
"OK," I responded, "Is that fact or opinion?"
"Fact."
"Good. How about an opinion?"
I called on a girl to my left.
"He was the greatest man in the world, ever!" she proclaimed.
"Alright. Who else?"
Another girl, jumping up and down in her seat, looked as if she was going to explode, so I called on her next.
"He died on the toilet!" she yelled.
I paused.
"Umm...I don't know about that..." I mumbled.
"He didn't die on the toilet?" she interrupted.
I didn't know what to say.
"Uh...let's move on to the next lesson." I flipped off the overhead and chuckled to myself.

Kurt Vonnegut: 1922-2007. So it goes.

2007-04-15T15:15:00.000-05:00

America lost one its last unique personalities Wednesday--author Kurt Vonnegut. To say that he was only an author, I think, would belittle just what sizable impact he had on literature and ideas in the past 40-some-odd years. He was a brilliant thinker, teacher, political mind, and war-hater. He was a World War II veteran. He was the last "great" American writer in the class of Twain, Hemingway, and Faulkner. And he is, by far, my favorite writer of all time.

Only a year ago I piled into a car on a Thursday night with four other Vonnegutites and drove three hours to Columbus to see him speak at Ohio State. I blame Mapquest and Muncie, Indiana for missing seeing him: the first lead us to the latter, we showed up an hour later than we had planned, and arrived in line after some three or four thousand other students. When we finally got to the door of the small conference room picked to house the event, they shut it in our face claiming fire codes prevented any addition to the already packed venue. After cursing Mapquest, Muncie, and fire codes, the five of us snuck around the outer side of the conference room and peeked into the window. We could barley see the tufts of his mangy, brown afro through the vertical window blinds. And for a few of us, me included, that was enough to justify a six-hour road trip on a school night.

This summer I learned that he was speaking again in my area, this time at Butler University in Indianapolis. Tickets were required, but were free. They distributed all of them in 25 minutes, without saving any for me or anyone I knew that wanted to go. How dare them.

But he didn't make it to April 27, the date he was scheduled for the Butler engagement. He suffered a fall a few weeks ago at his home in Manhatten which caused brain damage, and ultimately his death. In his memoir, A Man Without a Country, he threatened to sue the makers of Pall Mall cigarettes. He explained that theirs were the only cigarettes he'd chain-smoked since he was a young man and that, right there on the box, a warning declared his imminent death if he continued to smoke them. He was still alive, at the time of the writing, so he demanded justice for a promise unkept. Well, Kurt, you got what you wanted. Peace and quiet. Escape from a world gone mad for oil and money and war for both.

Since I didn't make it to that speech in Columbus, I thought I'd close this post with the reflections of someone who did. Enjoy.

(From Harvey Wasserman's, "May Peace Be with You, Kurt Vonnegut" )
Anyone expecting a safe, whimsical opener from this grand old man of sixties rebellion was in for a shock. "Can I speak frankly?" he asked Professor Manuel Luis Martinez, the poet and writing teacher who would "interview" him. "The only difference between George W. Bush and Adolph Hitler is that Hitler was actually elected."
Holding up a book about Ohio 2004, he said: "You all know, of course, that the election was stolen. Right here."
Explaining that this would he his "last speech for money," Vonnegut said he couldn't remember his first one. But it was "long long ago.

"I'm lucky enough to have known a great president, one who really cared about ALL the people, rich and poor. That was Franklin D. Roosevelt. He was rich himself, and his class considered him a traitor.

"We have people in this country who are richer than whole countries," he says. "They run everything.
"We have no Democratic Party. It's financed by the same millionaires and billionaires as the Republicans.
"So we have no representatives in Washington. Working people have no leverage whatsoever.

"I'm trying to write a novel about the end of the world. But the world is really ending! It's becoming more and more uninhabitable because of our addiction to oil. Bush used that line recently," Vonnegut added. "I should sue him for plagiarism."

Things have gotten so bad, he said, "people are in revolt against life itself."

Our economy has been making money, but "all the money that should have gone into research and development has gone into executive compensation. If people insist on living as if there's no tomorrow, there really won't be one.

"As the world is ending, I'm always glad to be entertained for a few moments. The best way to do that is with music. You should practice once a night.

"If you want really want to hurt your parents, go into the arts." He then broke into song, with a passable, tender rendition of "Stardust Memories."
By this time, the packed hall was reverential. The sound system, appropriately tenuous, forced us all to strain to hear every word.

"To hell with the advances in computers," he said after he finished singing. "YOU are supposed to advance and become, not the computers. Find out what's inside you. And don't kill anybody.

"There are no factories any more. Where are the jobs supposed to come from? There's nothing for people to do anymore. We need to ask the Seminoles: 'what the hell did you do?'' after the tribe's traditional livelihood was taken away.

Answering questions written in by students, he explained the meaning of life. "We should be kind to each other. Be civil. And appreciate the good moments by saying 'If this isn't nice, what is?'
"You're awful cute" he said to someone in the front row. He grinned and looked around. "If this isn't nice, what is?

"You're all perfectly safe, by the way. I took off my shoes at the airport. The terrorists hate the smell of feet.
"We are here on Earth to fart around," he explained, and then embarked on a soliloquy about the joys of going to the store to buy an envelope. One talks to the people there, comments on the "silly-looking dog," finds all sorts of adventures along the way.

As for being a Midwesterner, he recalled his roots in nearby Indianapolis, a heartland town, the next one west of here. "I'm a fresh water person. When I swim in the ocean, I feel like I'm swimming in chicken soup. Who wants to swim in flavored water?"

A key to great writing, he added, is to "never use semi-colons. What are they good for? What are you supposed to do with them? You're reading along, and then suddenly, there it is. What does it mean? All semi-colons do is suggest you've been to college."

Make sure, he added, "that your reader is having a good time. Get to the who, when, where, what right away, so the reader knows what is going on."

"As for making money, "war is a very profitable thing for a few people. Jesus used to be so merciful and loving of the poor. But now he's a Republican.

"Our economy today is not capitalism. It's casino-ism. That's all the stock market is about. Gambling.

"Live one day at a time. Say 'if this isn't nice, I don't know what is!'
"You meet saints everywhere. They can be anywhere. They are people behaving decently in an indecent society."
The greatest peace, Vonnegut wraps up, "comes from the knowledge that I have enough. Joe Heller told me that.
Kurt Vonnegut: 1922-2007: "The only proof he need for the existence of God, was music."
So it goes.