Subbing Story 2: "Wipe my butt!"

If you read the title, you might think you know where this is going. Prepare to have all preconceived mental images trumped.

A few weeks ago I was scheduled to be a "floater" at an elementary school in the district. I usually like this distinction because instead of staying in one class all day, you "float" around room-to-room every hour or so. So if you get stuck babysitting a bunch of future convicts, you only have to grit your teeth and bide your time until the teacher returns.

For this particular floating day I was to spend most of the morning in a class of kids who were dubbed "behaviorally challenged" (how's that for P.C.?). The first hour was fine, I had an EA in the class with me and he knew how to handle the kids. The second hour was alright, save for the tantrum of one of the kids that included throwing every small item in the room within reach and kicking the EA who was trying to control him. After he was escorted out of the room and settled down, and ultimately sent home, and after the EA explained to me that this had never happened before, that's when I like to say the magic happened.

A little boy, we'll call him Bobby, who I think might be mildly autistic, decided he was going to use the restroom which is attached to the classroom. A number two special, if you will. After about twenty minutes of silence he began to scream.
"Help! Help! Help me, please! Help," he yelled, over and over, through the door.
"What Bobby?" responded the EA.
Bobby then opened the door and revealed to me his "state of affairs." The EA was helping another student and could not see into the restroom. What he was missing out on, of course, was the fact that Bobby had his pants down to his knees and was crying.
"Help! Help me! Wipe my butt! Wipe...wipe my butt!" he repeated over and over.
The EA then turned and headed over to the restroom. When he finally got within a few feet of the door and could assess the situation, he turned to me, hand over mouth, and nearly choked on his own laughter. While Bobby continued to plead for a hand, quite literally, the EA tried desperately to hold back the tears and chuckles while explaining to Bobby that he was a big boy and needed to finish what he started, so to speak.
Bobby continued to cry out, "Wipe my butt! I poopy! I poopy! Wipe my butt!"
Whenever the EA told him he needed to do it himself, he responded, "No, I can't! Please, help me!"

After about 10 minutes of these negotiations, Bobby relented. He resumed his silence and took care of business.
At least we think he did.
Following few flushes, he returned to the classroom, walking a little funny, and to the puzzle he was finishing on the floor. I continued to watch him for a few minutes afterward out of curiosity.
After a few moments of "puzzling" he looked around the room, making sure no one was watching (he didn't noticed I was), then bent his head back toward his rear and sniffed in that direction. I looked up at the EA who was watching Bobby as well.
We smiled at each other as he said, "A day of firsts. And of all the days."
Yeah, seriously.